I stand Guilty before my eighteen month’s daughter

This is my own story, a true one where I stand guilty before my  eighteen months daughter.

I am guilty of not giving her enough time, guilty of not playing with her, guilty of not being able to see her grow!

I took a long break from my work life to be with my little angel. We both had a lovely time together. Her father had a routine office where they both would see each other in the evening. She was always ecstatic to see her father. I envied that sometimes, but then knew it well she was with me whole day loving and cuddling.

Time flies they say and in my case yes, it really did. I was knowing well in advance the dates of my resuming work. So I had planned a nanny for my daughter, to take care of her in my absence. I appointed her three months in advance so that I can train her, judge her and make my baby comfortable with her.  As planned things went smoothly. This lady would take care of my little one much beyond my expectations. She would sing lullaby to her, play games with her and keep her busy. My baby would look forward to, her coming home every day.  I was relieved that in my absence there will be someone to look after her properly whom I can trust.

The day came when I had to go back to work. With a heavy heart I left the home. Tears rolling down the eyes of both of us, I left her with the nanny.  I drove to my office with a choked voice. But like everyone else said this was the only best thing I could have done, I consoled myself I am working for my daughter, her better future, her better life. While in office it felt like a long day. The office clock seemed to have stuck, it felt like it was doing tick tock slower than the molasses motion in the January. Though I was present in the office my heart kept wandering around my prized possession. At last it ticked six.  Finally, it was time to go back home, time to see her, time to hold her in my arms and apologize for not being home.

I rushed my car to my apartment. My daughter was waiting for me right outside the house. I took her into my arms. She stared at me without blinking, as if she was asking me a thousand questions. She hugged me tight and I felt bliss. Later in the evening we both were busy in each other’s company. She clinged to me wherever I went.

The next day sun was shining high. I knew it’s time to leave her again till the day ends.  She was still in her sleep looking like a fairy. Quickly I managed to prepare some breakfast for us. When she woke up she had forgotten that I was going to leave. She kept running and making noises till she saw me in my formal attire. Suddenly she lost her smile and my heart sank.  I left her again, kissing good bye….

Now as the days passed I could notice a big change in her. She was not really happy to see me in the evening. Not the way I thought. Instead of the smiles seeing me, there were tears for her nanny. I could not take it. I felt like I was losing my world.  I read many parenting books to find it was normal of babies to behave this way. It was their way to show their anger, to show how they miss being with the parents.

Every week I get two full days with her to spend. She showers all her love on me in those two days and makes me feel happy. But then again for five days when I am gone to my office she ignores me. This is her way to show how it sucks when her mother who had spent such a huge time with her at home, leaves her all by herself.

I am a mother who is definitely guilty of my sweet little heart………Guilty of not being there round the clock!!!!!!!!

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