The world is moving forward from its patriarchal mind set. More and more women are taking up challenging positions and setting as an example. I was glad to be part of this race before arrival of my daughter. Yeah, I am calling it a race today. Every day we have different mood and our thoughts are empowered by the mood we have. Today I am sick of finding myself running in the race leaving my life, my kid behind, in the hands of a stranger whom I have shouldered the responsibility to be “ME” – the mother.
When we appoint a nanny for our children, we are hopeful that things will go well. We want her to take care of the kid in a motherly way. No matter how best the lady tries to do, but she cannot be you. A mother always thinks beyond, sees the unseen, hears the unsaid. I am depriving my child of this extraordinary love I was showered upon by my mother.
I am juggling hard to make peace with my inner soul. I am trying to convince my heart that my daughter is being raised well. I want to make me believe that everything is sorted, she is going to be my reflection. She will believe in my preaching; her life’s decisions will have me as a role model. But deep inside my heart I am scared to assess the situation. When I go back home and find my kid not speaking my language but her nanny’s, it freaks me out. When I see her wanting her to be near her like she wants me I am into tears. I am constantly apprehensive about her choice of food, her company, her tone, her words, everything.
When I notice those small bruises on her skin which she got while playing and were not noticed by her nanny, I am shaky. I am cynical of her affection for my kid. I wonder sometimes is it a manipulated picture I get to see or she is really affectionate to my little world.
We must set ground rules with our nanny. If we tend to be lenient with them for their smaller oversights, they become prone to committing bigger blunders. I am yet to assess the viability of day care schools where my child will have more company. I am sure that will also have its own issues but somewhere I have to settle.
Hope you get your way out from this guilt ridden life!